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it must be painful to understand your own irresponsible behaviour… - Fledgling Poets

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December 13th, 2005

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12:12 am
it must be painful
to understand your own irresponsible behaviour
and even with that fact
be unable to change it
and trying to find comfort
in your candy-coated smile
is enough to give me a cavity
search, the hands would be welcome
so you couldn't call me empty anymore
I bore three caterpillars, feeding on my skin
expecting to befriend a few butterflies
in time, but they all left home
Scattered off by your net
stop waving it around
Breathe in the water
start drowning.
Current Mood: cynicalcynical

(2 comments | Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:December 13th, 2005 08:18 pm (UTC)
Up until the caterpillar line, there's not much that's concrete, and when there's no concrete language, of course, things are wishy-washy, and there's not much beauty in it. Really, the caterpillar line is the most interesting one. I think it would be good if you could just do the whole poem as an extended metaphor.

Also, the last two lines are incredibly cool.

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